Hybrid

Everyone is unhappy about gas prices, which is understandable given they are very near an all time high, even if you adjust for inflation.

We need a vehicle that runs on a more cost effective fuel.

I'm pleased to announce the world's first Carmel Machiado hybrid.

Rock

I was trying to understand why the BS mix station plays the Vapors nearly every day. Had I been wrong about ‘Turning Japanese? Had it been this smash hit, holding the number 1 spot for 12 weeks, and I somehow missed it? Could I have been so busy trying to finally get laid that I missed Vapor Mania? They certainly play ‘Turning Japanese’ more than Toto’s ‘Rosanna’ which was a big hit for several weeks as I recall. (this isn’t to say I really want to hear ‘Rosanna’ either, just trying to understand the criteria) What made the Vapors more worthy of airplay in 2007 than say Felony or Fruer? They were no less significant in my memory.

Time to get some answers. As it turns out The Vapors had barely troubled the top 40, Turning Japanese peaked at 36. Rosanna had only made it to number 2 in the top 40, but also did quite well in Adult Contemporary (peak # 17) and mainstream rock (peak # 8)

Ignoring for a moment the fallacy of the specialized charts, Rosanna was a much bigger hit than turning Japanese any way you slice it. So is this just another example of having our own nostalgia marketed to us in a way that we would choose to remember as opposed to what truly was? I guess this isn’t a new thing, no one ever says that during the 60’s they actually preferred Freddie and dreamers to the Beatles and Stones. What isn’t clear to me is how or why anyone would prefer Turning Japanese to whatever the real hits were?

Felony’s the Fanatic peaked at 42, and Fruer’s Doot doot didn’t bother the top 40 at all. But 10-9-8 by Face to face reached #38, and I bet you’ll never hear it on a mix station at all. I’d rather hear ‘She looks a lot like you’ by the Cars sound-alike the Clocks, if we’re going celebrate songs no one cared about.


I couldn’t help feeling a bit sorry for the lowly Vapors, they predated the phony specialized charts, so there they were stuck at 36 barely troubling the mighty top 40 at all. Had there existed a chart for fair-to-spare new wave acts, they would surely have gone top 10. Let’s face it, all these ‘modern rock’ or “mainstream rock’ charts are simply designed to pad the stats of average acts, and get more of them into the charts… any charts. If they made a top 40 of blogs I wouldn’t get a sniff, but what if it were a top 40 of blogs called ‘pills thrills and bellyaches? Suddenly I’m #27 with a bullet.

Billboard stats provided by allmusic.com (you should visit it once in a while, and would it kill you to write?)

Arctic Monkeys

Arctic Monkeys
Arctic Monkeys!

eff you, wanna buy me flowers

Do you ever consider that each time you hear a horrible song from yesteryear, the offending artist gets money? So not only do the Spin Doctors ruin my day, but they actually get ASCAP money for it. All because these bs mix stations have zero imagination, much like the acts they play.

I’d much rather hear Palisades park as written by the great Chuck Barris, that would be a win-win.

Run to the hills

Remember the tape cases with the holes?

Back in the day if you looked at Iron Maiden tapes at a place like K-mart, they would be stored in a big enclosed case with glory holes cut into the clear plastic doors. The hole allowed you to reach inside and handle any of the tapes, but they couldn’t be removed through the hole. This way we were unable to steal, but could still read the track listing without sales associate help. Never mind that we looked like hazmat handlers with both arms stuffed inside this fixture.

Excuse me, dude? Can you unlock the case so I can get ‘Maiden Japan’ out?



This pre-dated the longbox which I also hated. Nowadays they just stick security tags everywhere, and if it jacks up the artwork oh well. At any rate I can download and burn a cd from Itunes faster and cheaper than brick and mortar anyway. Not as much fun though is it?

Of course I remember when you could buy a gun AND ammunition at Kmart with no waiting period, or background check. Is it strange that you could load a gun more easily than steal an Iron maiden Cassette or 8-track?

Listening to the old phongraph

American idol needs a shot of youth. The show is ostensibly a young show, so why do all the kids sing their grandparent’s record collection. These are young kids who want to be pop stars, but insist on performing the Big Chill soundtrack year after year. Never mind how small you can sound trying to sing Aretha, it’s not exactly topical. A guy sang a 4 year old Keane song the other night, and he may as well have walked on water. What on earth makes an 18 year old think Celine Dion is cool? The sound of Jack Black from High Fidelity rings in my head ‘she can’t like that!

Imagine if you had a succession of stand up comics all doing Ethel Merman, Jimmy Stewart, and James Cagney in their act.

Later this year the idol contestants will team up with Gwen Stefani among others.

Gwen-‘well for starters, I look really hot, can you do that?

Behind the music

I flipped by VH1 long enough to learn that the dude from the Crash Test Dummies was nearly killed in a car accident, in the years after their one hit. Ironic innit?

In an unrelated story my band has changed our name to Handjobs from Hotties

dick in a box (better quality)